The People Who Hide My Pumpkins
I am known among my gal friends as being dedicated to my art! My closest home girls know that for almost two decades I raised a Chia Pet like my own daughter. In its later years it started to chew through the power cords of my television. I cried when I had to shave away the green hair of my Chia Pet and use it as a paper weight.
Anywho, back to the pumpkins. Every year I make a series of pumpkins that explore my postmenopausal years. Hot flashes were the first theme, in fact, they were the theme during my menopause. Each child that I babysit makes a pumpkin with a symptom (chills, sweats, rapid heartbeat). They were truly beautiful things, we couldn't have crafted them better if I was menstruating! However, as soon the orange goddesses were placed on my doorstep, they disappeared in a (hot) flash!
The first year the pumpkin thief hid the pumpkins behind my car wheels! It was truly a genius plan, because I became responsible for their demise, poor me. I remember clutching the remains of pumpkin seeds while screaming to the sky. The second year (the theme was migranes) there was no indication of my pumpkins for days. Finally, a serious of packages showed back up at my door. Inside were the remains of my pumpkins, blended down and put into a pie pan along with a series of photos of the cast of Party Of Five.
Over the years, gosh darnit, I have come to expect that my pumpkins will be taken, but do you think I give up? NO! I have found my pumpkins in the toilet bowl at work, hidden in the background of several popular Bollywood films, and I suspect that they are being used at Festifools due to the fact that they often resemble prominent Ann Arborites having menopausal joint pain.
This year the pumpkins stolen illustrated the all too real 'urinary urgency.' They were very therapeutic to make and I would like them back in hopefully one or two pieces. If you are the people who hide my pumpkins, please think about returning them to a nice older neighbor, with only some minor misdemeanors. Do not return pumpkins that have been soaked in alcohol, they are a fire hazard.
Please tune in next week for my article on that cobblestone street in Kerrytown.